About a year ago I met the wonderful man who was to become my wonderful boyfriend. He’s an interesting guy with an off the wall kind of sense of humour. As we met around Christmas there were a lot of parties on and as my birthday and a large number of my friend’s birthdays are in January it makes it a kind of month long party season. Anyway, he’d call up and we’d chat about what we were doing and every week I was going to another party. Every time I told him that I was going to party he would said “are you having cheese and pineapple on sticks, (commencement of raucous laughter)” “All parties should have cheese and pineapple on sticks. It’s not a party otherwise” (commence further hysterical laughter). It was kind of funny the first time. After that I just thought he was a little unhinged. After hearing the words ‘cheese and pineapple on sticks, hahahaha’ for the 20th time I had a thought. 'I will make him a gift', I thought, 'the gift of Cheese and Pineapple immortalised. I will do it by appliqueing them onto a chic woollen tank top.' I went with a friend on a shopping trip to find the perfect top. I managed to find one that looked a bit like a waffle. It was the colour of a deceased alpacas nose. The hysterical laughter it brought about from my friend and I sealed the deal.
I fashioned some traditional holey cheese and pineapple from yellow felt and using a ribbon for the stick appliqued the culinary party delight onto the woollen, waffle tank top. I was delighted with it. So disgusting it had to be cool, (said the little voice in my head).
My boyfriend came down a few days later and I handed him his thoughtful, painstakingly made gift. He plays poker but he doesn’t have a poker face per se (he plays online), and hiding his emotions or thoughts are most definitely not his forte so I got the impression fairly swiftly that he wasn’t that keen. To his eternal credit he did try it on. Words failed me; I actually cried with laughter. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a garment make someone look so different or so bad. Incredible. He point blank refuses to put it on to be photographed. I can’t say I blame him really. I have however, photographed it for your viewing pleasure. I maintain that it could look awesome teamed with a suitably vintage pair of slacks on a skinny fashionista somewhere in Shoreditch. Perhaps a little too gauche for the Isle of Wight at this moment in time.
My Boyfriend? Well, despite my error in judgement over my first ever gift to him, he still deigned it feasible that he could Love me and my lack of taste, and for that I am eternally grateful.
The Cheese and Pineapple tank toppy goodness? I feel ready to part with it now and will put in in my Etsy shop for some fortunate Shoreditch type to buy.
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